I think incessantly

“I think incessantly of those who were truly great
who left the vivid air signed with their honour”

stephen spender

I think incessantly of those who were truly great
    who left the vivid wind signed with their honour
because i am disconsolate about my life’s mean history
i want to torture strength    ascend    invade the brave air
    slay dragons    fight wild beasts with my hands
    defend the world from disdainful censure
instead i sink in the gutter of my need
    and leave the unrecognizing stare empty of my gesture

i think continually of how i’d rather walk with those
    astride like a colossus    where little men peep between my knees
though i sense conceit in my human estimate
    the truly great become a mockery when i measure stars
    which shine beyond their death saying nothing bitterly
brilliantly signing the midnight air with their blue humour
    and the bare rounds of earth’s orbit memorably assign
the beating rhythm of the opposing seasons
    citing no authorities or poets intent on cerebral ritual
or teachers of good rollicking reasons we brainlessly    perpetuate

i wear my honour like a cape of washed-out colour
    rain and snow lower my brow and the frost steams from my breath
uphill work this desire to survive beyond life
    descending to death without tragedy or comedy to humour my posterity
and i thank continually those who wrote across the atmosphere
    with trails of glory in their honour
curving across the deep wide blue of who i am with visions
    of what i might be    an awesome prospect if i could forget
the might-be as a should that draws a shadow over the effusive sun

i wear my honour like a mantle of cloud cover
    thinking continually of who am i this day immeasurably greater
for the beating bounty of my frosted breath
vividly writing the bare round rhythm of this winter season
                        with my white signature


mcmlxxii